Conflict management styles and strategies

TL;DR
Conflict is inevitable, but it need not damage relationships. Drawing on Jesus’ example and conflict-management theory, this resource presents five approaches to conflict and explores common causes. Empathy, clear communication, humility, and collaboration can turn disagreements into opportunities for reconciliation, stronger relationships, and greater unity.

What's the best way to deal with conflict?

How to manage conflict between individuals and groups: Styles, approaches, and specific action steps.

Improving group dynamics when conflict occurs

"I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord." — Philippians 4:2

Peacemaking: Tips for recognizing and managing conflicts

Team unity: Five conflict-management approaches or techniques

Missionaries experience conflict with each other. Pastors and laypeople experience conflict. Volunteers in ministry organizations find themselves in conflict. Human resources managers in businesses often find themselves managing situations of interpersonal conflict.

How can you manage disagreements in ways that build personal and collegial relationships rather than harming them? Such disagreements or conflicts can occur between individuals or groups. Here are five strategies from conflict-management theory for managing stressful situations. None of them is a one-size-fits-all solution. The best approach in a given situation will depend on various factors, including an appraisal of the level of conflict.

• Collaborating: win/win
• Compromising: win some/lose some
• Accommodating: lose/win
• Competing: win/lose
• Avoiding: no winners/no losers

Collaborating

I win, you win

Symbol: Owl

Fundamental premise: Teamwork and cooperation help everyone achieve their goals while also maintaining relationships.

Strategic philosophy: The process of working through differences will lead to creative solutions that satisfy both parties' concerns.

When to use:

• When there is a high level of trust.
• When you don't want to have full responsibility.
• When you want others to also have "ownership" of solutions.
• When the people involved are willing to change their thinking as more information is found and new options are suggested.
• When you need to work through animosity and hard feelings.

Drawbacks:

• The process takes lots of time and energy.
• Some may take advantage of other people's trust and openness.

Compromising

You bend, I bend

Symbol: Fox

Fundamental premise: Winning something while losing a little is OK.

Strategic philosophy: Both ends are placed against the middle in an attempt to serve the "common good" while ensuring each person can maintain something of their original position.

When to use:

• When people of equal status are equally committed to goals.
• When time can be saved by reaching intermediate settlements on individual parts of complex issues.
• When goals are moderately important.

Drawbacks:

• Important values and long-term objectives can be derailed in the process.
• It may not work if initial demands are too great.
• It can spawn cynicism, especially if there's no commitment to honor the compromise solutions.

Accommodating

I lose, you win

Symbol: Teddy Bear

Fundamental premise: Working toward a common purpose is more important than any peripheral concerns; the trauma of confronting differences may damage fragile relationships.

Strategic philosophy: Appease others by downplaying conflict, thus protecting the relationship.

When to use:

• When an issue is not as important to you as it is to the other person.
• When you realize you are wrong.
• When you are willing to let others learn from their mistakes.
• When you know you cannot win.
• When it is not the right time, and you would prefer to simply build credit for the future.
• When harmony is extremely important.
• When what the parties have in common is a good deal more important than their differences.

Drawbacks:

• One's own ideas don't get attention.
• Credibility and influence can be lost.

Competing

I win, you lose

Symbol: Shark

Fundamental premise: Associates "winning" in a conflict with competition.

Strategic philosophy: When goals are extremely important, one must sometimes use power to win.

When to use:

• When you know you are right.
• When time is short, and a quick decision is needed.
• When a strong personality is trying to steamroller you, and you don't want to be taken advantage of.
• When you need to stand up for your rights.

Drawbacks:

• It can escalate conflict.
• Losers may retaliate.

Avoiding

No winners, no losers

Symbol: Turtle

Fundamental premise: This isn't the right time or place to address this issue.

Strategic philosophy: Avoid conflict by withdrawing, sidestepping, or postponing.

When to use:

• When the conflict is small, and relationships are at stake.
• When you're counting to ten to cool off.
• When more important issues are pressing, and you feel you don't have time to deal with this particular one.
• When you have no power, and you see no chance of getting your concerns met.
• When you are too emotionally involved and others around you can solve the conflict more successfully.
• When more information is needed.

Drawbacks:

• Important decisions may be made by default.
• Postponing action may make matters worse.

"What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?" — James 4:1

Note: This is a do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do page. Even on my good days, I can explain how to mediate and resolve conflict better than I can actually do it. 🙂

    — Howard Culbertson,

Afterword: Why is there so much conflict between people?

Interpersonal conflict can arise from a variety of factors. These include:

1. Differences in Values and Beliefs: People have different perspectives, values, and beliefs. This can lead to clashes when people do not attempt to respect and understand those differences.
2. Limited Resources: Competition for limited resources such as money, land, power, or opportunities can lead to conflict when individuals or groups vie for access or control.
3. Miscommunication: Poor communication or misunderstandings can escalate into conflicts.
4. Ego and Pride: Personal egos, pride, and the desire to assert dominance or superiority can lead to conflicts, particularly when there are perceived threats to someone's status or reputation.
5. Historical and Societal Factors: Past injustices, societal inequalities, and ingrained discrimination can create tensions and conflicts.
6. Fear and Insecurity: Fear of losing one's position or identity can fuel conflict, as individuals may act defensively or aggressively to protect themselves or their interests.
7. Group Dynamics: Social interactions within a group, including peer pressure, conformity, and ingroup/outgroup biases, can exacerbate conflicts by fostering hostility toward perceived outsiders or dissenters.
8. Power Imbalances: Power imbalances within relationships, organizations, or societies can lead to exploitation, oppression, and resistance. Conflicts can result as marginalized groups challenge or seek to overturn existing power structures.
9. Lack of Empathy and Understanding: Indifference to others' feelings, perspectives, experiences, and needs can prevent individuals from resolving conflicts peacefully.
10. Psychological Factors: Individual emotional elements such as personality traits, past trauma, or unresolved conflicts can influence how people respond to and engage in situations of interpersonal conflict.

Overall, conflict is a normal part of human interaction. Understanding its underlying causes and addressing them through empathy, negotiation, and conflict-resolution strategies can mitigate its negative effects and even foster harmony and cooperation.

More help for leaders

• Creative methodologies to use
• Evaluating group participation: Dividing up the $100
• Difficult group members
• Meeting starters
• Motivation candy gifts
• Bread pledge
• NMI president's checklist
• Missions leader's survivor kit
• Reflecting Christ: Empowering others
• Leadership qualities