Death and Dying — Ministering in Christ’s Name

TL;DR:
This page offers compassionate, faith-based advice on ministering to those nearing death and to their loved ones afterward. Most people nearing death deeply value companionship. Physical presence, gentle touch, and attentive listening can bring immense comfort. Visitors should not stay away out of awkwardness but instead sit close, listen more than they speak, allow honest conversation about death, and avoid taking over decision-making. After someone dies, Christians can minister to grieving families through both faith and action. The page also includes an acrostic about death.

Those who are approaching death can benefit from our comforting presence.
Companionship can provide immeasurable comfort to those approaching death.
Helpful practices for visitors include maintaining a physical presence, respecting the conversational pace, and empowering the person to make decisions.
Visitors should be comfortable discussing death openly, offering solace through reminiscence, and expressing love without hesitation.

The living know that they will die. — Ecclesiastes 9:5

Here are some suggestions for ministering to a dying person.

How to Be with a Dying Person

Americans often avoid talking about death and may even avoid people who are nearing the end of life. That is sad because Barney Spivack, director of Geriatric Medicine for the Stamford (Connecticut) Health System, says, In all my years of working with dying people, I’ve never heard one say, “I want to die alone.” People nearing death are comforted by the company of others. The benefit of a visit far outweighs whatever awkwardness there may be.

Six "don'ts" for visitors to the dying

1. Don't stay away.: Get close physically. Sit at eye level. Do not be afraid to touch. The physical presence of another human being is a powerful comfort and source of strength.
2. Don't overpower the person by babbling.: Let the dying person set the conversational pace. Do not be afraid of silence.
3. Don't contradict someone or abruptly change the subject when the person says, “I am going to die.”: There is nothing unhealthy about accepting that death is approaching. Listen and empathize. Allow the person to express anger, guilt, or fear without feeling that you must “fix” things.
4. Don't take over all the decision-making.: Empower the dying person to make decisions for as long as possible. Avoiding unfinished business will not postpone death. Ask: "Who can I contact for you?" Remember that we can never tie up all the loose ends in life.
5. Don't avoid talking about the past.: Reminisce about happy memories. Do not suppress laughter just because a doctor has said death is just around the corner.
6. Don't miss opportunities to express love or to say goodbye.: Remember: there may not be a tomorrow.

Based on material in “The Ultimate Emotional Challenge” by Louise Lague, published in Start the Conversation, a pullout section in Modern Maturity. Used here under the fair-use provisions of U.S. copyright law.

Afterword: Ten Things You Can Do When Someone Dies

When someone dies, people often turn to the practices and beliefs of their faith as they grieve and honor the deceased. Here are ten things Christ-followers can do and say when ministering to people grieving the loss of a loved one:

Express condolences to the family and friends of the deceased. Appropriate expressions include "I'm sorry for your loss," "You are in my thoughts and prayers," or "May God give you strength during this difficult time."
Prayer is an important part of Christian mourning. Give thanks to God for the life of the deceased. Pray for comfort and strength for the family and for peace during the grieving process.
Attend the funeral or memorial service to pay respects to the deceased and offer support to the grieving family.
Offer practical support to the bereaved, such as providing meals, helping with household chores, or simply being present to listen and provide emotional support.
Turn to Scripture passages that speak of God’s presence, eternal life, and the Christian hope. Passages such as John 14:1–3, Romans 8:38–39, and Revelation 21:4 are often shared for encouragement.
Reflect on the brevity of life and the importance of living in accordance with our faith. The death of a loved one can lead us to deepen our relationship with God and evaluate our priorities.
Celebrate the deceased person’s life by remembering the person’s positive qualities, contributions, and influence on others. Such remembrance can bring comfort amid sorrow and may include making a memorial gift to a Christian ministry.
Seek counseling, guidance, and spiritual support from a pastor or other trusted spiritual leader.
Consider joining a grief-support group where you can share experiences, emotions, and struggles with others who are also mourning.
Trust in God’s sovereignty. We trust that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). Grieving relatives and friends can lean on their faith and trust in God’s comfort and provision.

Acrostic: Ministry During Times of Dying and Death

D — Deliver comfort through presence and prayer.
E — Engage with love, listening without judgment.
A — Assist with practical needs and emotional support.
T — Teach hope through faith, Scripture, and encouragement.
H — Honor the person's life with remembrance and grace.

Like acrostics? Here are more of them.

— Howard Culbertson, hculbert@snu.edu

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